Pay 45 Thai baht says the enormous display of the Tao Bin coffee machine. That’s what it costs for my morning matcha latte here in Bangkok. Upon feeding the machine my 100 THB bill, I register the sounds of coins falling in the change tray, like a cascade of cash when you win on a casino slot machine. My hand reaches for it but can barely grab all the coins in one grasp. I can’t believe my luck when I count them in my hand and come to a total of 115 THB.

On this full moon lunar eclipse in Virgo, the celebration of the Hindu Holi festival, I am excited to receive such a profound sign of the universe. Themes for this day are transformation, passion and renewal. Releasing self-doubt and limiting beliefs. In my case, not actually believing in abundance anymore. Loosing faith and sense of purpose. Last August I stopped teaching and advertising – fighting, if you will- and surrendered once again. Scary as hell. No savings left, no income at all, wandering, living in India. I looked at the beggars in the streets, still giving my last 20 rupees to their poorly dressed children while wondering whether I’d be sleeping next to them in three weeks.

Exactly 2 years ago today, coinciding with this lunar eclipse, I left my partner/husband. A soulmate cycle completed. 24 years of growth, love and family accomplished. Brave surrender followed when I recognised stagnation, released attachment, and chose self-liberation. Little did I know, I would enter “the dark night of the soul” two years of intense emotional purging – material, purpose, faith and trust stripped away. My daily meditation and yoga practice kept me sane.

I stare at the glimmering gold and silver coins in my child-sized hands. My first thought is to give back. The money wasn’t mine in the first place, but my twin flame’s. As a tribute to my beloved, my son, my dad, a few friends and my teachers who generously gave, honouring their faith, love and care for me in my darkest moments, I will give to three beggars in the streets today: 20 THB each, giving what I received extra while accepting the free matcha latte plus 10 THB. Tears run down my cheeks as I realise that the universe restored my trust, symbolically paying back what was lost in faith last year, my faith exploding back into my life with abundant signs! And threw in a FREE matcha latte – representing “on the house” meaning, my worthiness is gifted back to me.